


He's Not an Eggplant, He's Retarted!

by KateMulgrewislife



Category: Orange is the New Black RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 09:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10087991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KateMulgrewislife/pseuds/KateMulgrewislife
Summary: It's well known that when Kate Mulgrew colored and cut her hair for her role on OITNB as prison inmate and chef Red, her look received mixed reviews, especially from her boyfriend. It's no secret that when he first laid eyes on it he wasn't a fan, and I always wondered exactly what happened. So here it is! Kate's boyfriend reaction to her new hair.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Since I saw an interview that OITNB creator Jenji Kohan did where she said that Kate's boyfriend was really mad at her after she cut and colored Kate's hair I have always wondered what happened, what did he say? So here it is, this is how I imagined it. I am making no profit from writing this and I own nothing but the plot. I hope you enjoy! :)

"Well, what do you think?" the hairdresser asked as he spun the chair around.

"I love it!" Jenji exclaimed. "It's just as I envisioned. What do you think Kate?"

The woman in question took a long look at the inch long, eggplant colored hair protruding from her head. "It's ahhh…. It's different. I don't hate it. I've never had anything like it so… I just need time to get used to it." Kate replied.

"Oh good good. Well that's all for today Kate. We'll see you tomorrow at rehearsal." Jenji said.

Kate, Jenji and the hairdresser parted ways and Kate made her way to the restaurant where she was supposed to meet her boyfriend Bennett Zier for dinner. She entered the restaurant and spotted Bennett sitting alone at a table looking over a menu. She immediately made her way over to him.

"Sorry I'm late sweetie. It took long than we'd thought."

"No problem babe I-"Bennett started to say as he set the men down and started to get up in order to properly greet his girlfriend.  
He was half way out of his chair when he finally looked at Kate. He took in her new hair and immediately dropped back down.

"Kate… what the hell did they do to your long, beautiful brown hair?" He asked in shock.

"Nothing much. They just cut and dyed it." She replied nonchalantly as she thumbed through the menu.

"Just cut and dyed it? Just cut and dyed it!? It's purple and sticking straight out of your head!" he exclaimed. "Is it going to be like this forever?"

She looked up from her menu and said in Red's trademark Russian accent: "Not if you don't fuck with me pal."

Her voice had a finality to it that told him the discussion was over… at least for now.

The next morning while Kate was in the shower, Bennett plucked Kate's phone off her nightstand and walked into the kitchen. He scrolled through her contacts until he reached Jenji's number. He hit the green call button and placed it on his left ear, his right ear strained to make sure the shower was still running. After a couple of rings someone finally picked up.  
*****************************Meanwhile*******************************  
Jenji stood on set talking with her assistant, a couple producers and some crew members. She wanted everything to be perfect for their first rehearsal. Just as she was about to send her assistant Tiffany to get something her phone rang.

"Hello Jenji Kohan's phone, Tiffany speaking…. Sir. Sir. Sir you need to calm down." She holds the phone away and an angry voice could be heard projecting from it.  
"Sir, I can't understand you. You need to stop yelling. Good. Now, how may I help you?" She looks at Jenji as the man on the other line responded.

"Hold on, I'll see if she's available." She placed the phone on her chest and addressed her boss.

"Jenji there is an angry gentleman who wishes to speak to you."

She sighed and took the phone. "Hello, this is Jenji."

"What the hell did you do to my girlfriend's hair?" Bennett yelled.

"Excuse me sir?" Jenji asked confused.

"I asked what the hell did you do to my girlfriend's hair? She left yesterday morning with beautiful, long brown hair and she came home with purple, inch long spikes sticking out of her head!"

"Oh…. You must be Kate's boyfriend. I take it you don't like her new look?" She said.

"Of course I don't like it! It's purple! Who has eggplant hair? You couldn't have used a wig? Why did you have to ruin her beautiful hair?" He replied.

Before Jenji had a chance to respond another voice could be heard on the other line.

"What the hell are you doing? Is that my phone?"

There was a struggle and a new voice spoke into the phone.

"Hello?" Kate asked.

"Hi Kate, its Jenji." She said

"Oh hi Jenji. How are you this morning?" Kate inquired.

"Before or after the angry phone call from your boyfriend yelling at me about your hair." Jenji joked.

"Don't worry about that. I'll yell at him later for it. Just ignore his comments. He'll get used to it, otherwise he'll have a lot of packing to do." Kate said with a laugh.

"Okay I'll see you on set in 2 hours." Jenji said.

"I'll see you then." Kate said.

Before the call ended Jenji could hear Kate start to yell at Bennett. Jenji hung up her phone with a shake of her head.  
"It's going to be a long season."

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! I have an account on Fanfiction.net under the same name with more stories if you're interested. Please leave me a comment, I'd love to know what you all think. I also accept fic ideas if you have any :)


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